Beginner's 101

Preface

The world of anal play is a large swimming pool filled with many different shapes and sizes. Tons of toys, materials, lubricants, dynamics. Can be enjoyed by both men and women. There's tons to learn about and discover. We've designed this guide to be holistic for complete beginners to get their feet wet and up and running with their very first play sessions. Comprehensive to include everything a beginner should know or think about, but brief enough to be leisurely read. This article is also a springboard for any topics you might be interested in learning more about.

This guide will teach you

The proper mindset for approaching anal play
The risks and dangers of anal play
How to pick and use required tools of the trade
How to set up and tear down spaces for play
How to enjoy yourself solo or with a partner

Mindset

Beginners can expect anal play to be very different from genital masturbation and sex. Any experience gained over the years won't count here, we're effectively starting from zero. Be kind to yourself, stay open to learning and most importantly keep an emphasis on playing safe.

The proper mindset for a beginner is one of patience and openness to learn new things about themselves. Expect the journey to be much slower than you might expect. But slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.

Below are a few concerns or expectations you might have which may serve as mental blockers impede your progress, or at least make it somewhat frustrating.

orgasms

Many start their journey into anal play with certain expectations, orgasms being a primary reason for many. Whether it's with through your prostate or with a lover it's important that you (both) understand that an anal orgasm may not happen with your first few sessions of play.

While our goal is for your to start feeling pleasure from the very beginning, it is important to understand that it will probably take sometime to get comfortable. For some once comfortable, an orgasm is achieved rather quickly. For others it could take many sessions. Everyone's body is different and yours is no exception.

It is important to have patience and give yourself the time to get well acquainted and comfortable with your underside.

shit happens

There's really no getting around the primary function of your butt. As the saying goes, everybody poops. While beginner play typically won't require any type of deep cleaning it still may be of great concern to you. For some this is a great source of anxiety and may prevent enjoyment, especially with a partner.

Further on in this guide we'll cover multiple ways to mitigate your experiences with brown stuff including diet, cleaning and even what to do when accidents do happen. However it is best to keep in mind that sometimes no matter what you do, or how hard you try...

sexuality & identity

As anal is still very much a taboo in modern society, there is a chance that it may bring up some strong feelings or thoughts for you. Sometimes they are repressed and may come out during preparation, during play or after. While it is not our place to convince you or help you make a decision regarding these topics, we feel it is our duty to at atleast bring them to your attention.

fear of play making you gay or feminine
fear of judgement from your partner or relationships
fear of doing something you shouldn't do (naughty/forbidden)

If you think any of these might apply to you we would encourage you to take some time to think about them deeply before moving forward, as there is the possibility that these thoughts if left unhandled may cause you distress and ruin your experience.

While often a logical answer is insufficient at dealing with strong emotions, we would like to reassure you that in no way does the act of playing make you gay, feminine or play towards your identity (even if that's secretly a fantasy you have).

This is simply another option everyone can partake in.

Not getting hurt

Selecting the right tools and using best practices greatly reduce potential risks however even with adequate preparation, injury can still occur. In the next sections we'll talk about a few principles to follow and what to do if you do get injured.

awareness

Beginners who are new to anal will without a doubt be experiencing a variety of new and unfamiliar sensations as they progress. These sensations could be immediately pleasurable but often times for beginners they are described as "weird".

It's natural in the beginning to not know how to interpret these sensations. Allow yourself to be open to these sensations and ample time to get acclimated to the sensation of fullness and stretching. Take deep breaths, relax, and ask yourself if what you are experiences is discomforting because they are new, or actually painful. Don't be afraid to back out and take a breaks during play.

Any sensations of sharp pain should indicate that you should back out (carefully & slowly) and take a break. Do a quick examination of the toy and your play space to ensure that there are no traces of any blood.

If your search showed no signs of blood and you are feeling up to it you can re-apply lubrication and try again. If you experience this sharp pain a second time postpone play for the night and allow at least a few days of rest.

In the next section we'll talk about warning signs and possible treatment for injury.

intoxication

While it may be tempting for some to have a glass of wine or use some cannabis it would be best for the beginner to conduct their first hand full of play sessions sober. Drugs and alcohol can reduce your sensitivity and awareness to pain and may lead to injury as we covered in the last section.

After you've gotten the hang of things and are feeling confident in your play sessions, feel free accompany them with a pairing of your choice as many practitioners do. Remember to play safe.

toys, lube & hygiene

One of the easiest ways to get hurt is to not use anal specific body safe toys, not taking care of them and not using lube. While we will cover all of these topics more extensively later in the guide, it's worth mentioning here.

Failure to use body safe toys and lubricant can result in scratching or tearing of your anal canal's and rectum's thin lining (we'll cover anatomy later). Further more it's important to make sure that both your toy and lubricant are compatible; this also applies to any other materials you may use such as gloves or condoms. More on that later!

Another point worth making regarding toys and injury is to ensure that your toys are designed for anal specifically. Unlike some vaginal toys, anal toys are designed to have a large flared base to ensure the toy can never be fully inserted. It is very possible to lose a toy inside of yourself and have to visit the your local hospital's emergency room to have it retrieved. They call this case a "Rectal Foreign Body".

Don't let this happen to you :)

know your limits

It should go without saying but practitioners and especially beginners should know their limits and play within it, or at least take the utmost care and appropriate steps when trying to push them.

Making extremely large leaps of any kind will greatly increase your risks of injury. Whether it's in your play session's duration, speed, force, length or girth always take small baby steps.

Signs of injury

While it's normal for everyone to feel a little sore the next day, even for intermediate and advanced players, there are a few things to look out for which may indicate an injury. Any signs of bright red blood while passing a bowel movement or any sharp pain including while sitting or moving around is a strong sign that you should talk to your doctor. These problems may complicate if left untreated.

Basic Anatomy

Anus
Rectum
Prostate
Pelvis muscles
lube is non negotiable
flexing Kegel
flexing sphincter

Progression for beginners

There's a very good chance that before you first had sex, you've spent some quality time getting familiar with your own genitalia. Through your own experience you've learned what feels good and more important what doesn't. And we suggest that you do the same and get familiar with your own butt before any penetrative play with a partner or solo.

Progression for beginners should be as follows:
Massage > Fingers > Toys > Partner

We'll first start with getting comfortable with touching and being touched through light massage as we learn how your muscles feel both tensed and relaxed. Once we get a little familiar we can move on to gently using fingers to explore a little deeper inside, and afterwards move onto penetration with toys.

The time it takes for this progression is entirely based on the individual and could take anywhere from a week to a month. It's important to not be concerned with how long this takes and rather getting as comfortable as possible.

Massage and relaxation

It's not uncommon for many beginners to already have some experience touching their anal area before starting to inquire about penetration. However for some the idea of massaging this area is very foreign and may be uncomfortable at first causing them to tense up with any touch, especially from a partner.

Any stress or resistance leads to being tense. Being tense leads to frustration and pain. Our goal is to get yourself comfortable with touching and being touched in the anal area, and hopefully you'll learn to relax and enjoy it.

Recipe for Anal Massage

A sensual massage to get comfortable with intimate touch and learn how it feels to tense and relax.

time: 6 minutes or for as long as desired

Ingredients:
- Lubricant (optional)

Start by taking a shower and washing your body as usual, ideally after passing a bowel movement. Spend extra time to lather and wash between your butt cheeks. The more clean you feel the easier it'll be to relax and get comfortable. Some may feel more comfortable using gloves and a little bit of lubricant.
With the flat of a few fingers, press firmly against your perineum, anus and the surrounding skin. Don't worry about putting in any fingers inside for now.
Take a few deep breathes. Inhale slowly for 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds, exhaling for 4 seconds and holding for 4 seconds, repeat. Shift your awareness towards your hand pressed against your skin. Can you feel the muscles of your pelvis? Do you feel tense? Relaxed?
With your attention still on the muscles of your pelvis, continuing deep breathing and start stroking your perineum anus and surrounding areas. Do you notice any changes in how you feel?
Advanced technique #1: As your fingers slide across your anus, increase the distance between them to slightly spread your hole apart. Be gentle!
Advanced technique #2:
On inhale: relax as much as possible
On exhale: squeeze your pelvic floor muscles ( kegel + anus)
repeat.
Feel free to continue this exercise for as long as you wish or stop if you get bored. Butt stuff should stay fun and not a chore.

If you wish, you can perform the entirety of this exercise on the bed. Our suggestions is to lay on a towel incase of any accidents.

Fingering

Our first step into real penetrative play starts with our fingers. No toy required! Be sure to keep your fingernails short to avoid any injuries via scratching. A glove helps with this. If you have very long fingernails / fake nails, you might want to reconsider using them for penetration.

Recipe for Fingering

We're sticking fingers up your bum for the first time

Ingredients:
- Lubricant
- Towels x 2
- Paper towels or wet wipes (optional)
- Gloves (optional)

- Slow music (optional)
- Dim lighting (optional)

For the most comfortable experience we suggest doing this in your bed after the shower massage. However, this can also be done in the shower if you wish

Start by laying down a folder towel onto of your bed. This can be done before your shower & massage or skipped entirely if you're fingering in the shower.
Gather your supplies and lay down with your butt
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Building your Starter Kit

beginner toys

Often times beginners will have 2 real "problems" they'll need to figure out. The rest figures itself out

A. Your budget

While i'm an advocate for toys of the highest quality materials, they come with an increased price. I understand that not everybody can afford them. It's up to you to determine the budget that works best for you. Cheaper toys run the risk of not using materials that are body safe. i.e. leeching chemicals into a very absorptive area of your body. And also being porous, meaning extremely hard to sterilize. For obvious reasons this is bad

B. Dimensions

beginners will often have to try many sizes before they can figure out what dimensions they are comfortable with. Some people can make jumps of 0.5 inches (in diameter) easily, while others struggle with 0.25 jumps. I could go more into the specifics of why this is but it's mainly a trial and error process of figuring out what works for you. Again, this might impact your budget.

You said 3 fingers in earlier right

So you'll need to go find a mesuring tape and figure out wha the diameter of your fingers (in the shape that you use them) is

Circumference actually is probably easier for you to figure out.

since you can wrap the tape around your fingers.

That'll be your starting size, and you can add +0.2-0.5 inches to that depending on if you think you can take more or not.

Generally I think plugs are pretty poor choices for beginners because more likely than not you'll learn to relax more and be able to bump up in sizes quickly

My general recommendation for a beginner who is looking to get into width is to buy a toy that has a triangle head and tapers into big width

you're just looking for a toy based on the size of the fingers you use and that generally has the same shape.

if you really want to get into this "hobby" I suggest you take sometime to find local shops near you. Its good to help local business and you'll usually get better made toys than from generic sex shops

douches

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lubricants

additionals

Paper towels
Lubricant Syringes
Antibacterial soap
Waterproof bed mats
Stoage

Beginner's 101

Preface

Mindset

orgasms

shit happens

sexuality & identity

Not getting hurt

awareness

intoxication

toys, lube & hygiene

know your limits

Signs of injury

Basic Anatomy

Progression for beginners

Massage and relaxation

Recipe for Anal Massage

Fingering

Recipe for Fingering

Building your Starter Kit

beginner toys

douches

lubricants

additionals

Cleaning

Play space

checklist

set up

tear down

Toy play

Partner play

Storage

Being discreet

Recipe for a perfect night

Next Steps

Footnotes & Sources

footnotes

sources